I guess im just sick of this whole thing. I miss having real friends or even a best friend in General. I feel so isolated from everyone yea people are there for me but who can I actually go to? Man or woman whos arms can I cry in without it being anything romantic who can I call at any point and know that they will be there. Theres so much more to life than this. And the sad thing is that I know its my fault that I pushed the only people who cared about me away including my best friend that i love so much , now thinks i dont care abput her and i realize that I myself am selfish I know that I am wrong but I dont know how to fix it if I can or if I am even worthy of the friendship I desire. I lost my way in a dark drug addicted spiral once after that I thought nothing can hurt me. No one can hurt me. I forgot there are other ways to fall stupidly forgot that I am a victim to myself and that is worse than anything any drug can do to me. Being stuck with myself is the worst decision I have ever made.
